Ep. 95 - Laughter and Tears (Collaboration with The Shit Behind the Show pt. 3)

Part 3 of the collaboration between the Mormon to Medium Podcast and the Shit Behind the Show Podcast. This episode discusses the importance of listening to spirit to help friends, family, and loved ones.  We emphasize the importance of having good friends who can help during a crisis, and Brad's great voice!

Transcript

Nannette: 0:01

Welcome to the Mormon to medium podcast, where we'll talk about spirituality, the paranormal religion, and my journey going from Mormon to medium. I'm Nanette Wride. Thanks for listening. Now let's go have some fun.

Brad: 0:20

Welcome to the show. This is the last of our three part series collaboration with the ship behind the show podcast. Be warned. This episode does deal with sensitive topics, including suicidal ideation, along with immature jokes and adult themes. Listener discretion is advised. Oh, I almost forgot, make sure to listen to episodes 93 and 94 to catch up on the first part of this conversation.

Christine: 0:47

I actually had a psychic once tell me that, and so far she, everything on the timeline that she told me, this was when I first started my healing journey. She gave me a reading of like my whole life. And told me the house I was going to buy all of this. And she said, um, your guy, you're going to meet him and he's everything on your list, which I didn't tell her I had a list. I have a list too, my phone. And she said, uh, and has done his work. And at that time I was like, done his

Brad: 1:19

you're like, what

Nannette: 1:20

I just got full body chills. I kid you not.

Christine: 1:23

she was, I was like done his work. I hadn't even fucking done my work. Like what the hell, you know, I didn't really understand what she meant at that time because I meant, cause I, I hadn't, I was just barely starting my journey when I talked to her. So

Brad: 1:39

cool.

Christine: 1:40

she told me I would be speaking to the world and this was before my podcast.

Nannette: 1:45

That's so

Christine: 1:46

get on it. find him.

Brad: 1:49

with

Christine: 1:51

Thank you. You, you are actually very much appreciated. So yes, I, I absolutely love your story. I love when I see posts that you two post about each other. Like it. You can tell it's genuine. It's not just like, Oh, my spouse is the best to throw it out there on social

Brad: 2:12

Have you ever seen those, those couples where you go, oh shit, they're struggling. Look at all these posts that are going extra and overboard and you can tell and you're like, oh yeah. They're just trying to, to make everyone think it's good

Christine: 2:25

Oh, people probably laugh at me. Because people know what's going on now. Not that I have not meant it, like not that when I've posted pictures and I have said like, this guy's being great. He is in the moment, right? Everything's great in the moment. But a lot of people close to me are like, okay, I'm glad he's being good right now.

Brad: 2:44

being good right now. I know him like that and I make fun You know, I won't say names or go

Christine: 2:58

I have a friend like that and I make fun of her all the time

Brad: 3:00

um,

Christine: 3:01

you know, I won't say names or go into specifics, but I mean, he, went on a quote unquote work trip

Brad: 3:08

my

Christine: 3:09

and, um, she posts, Oh, my man is so great. He changed the battery in my key fob and he changes the oil. And I'm like, okay. And he just got back from a work trip where he called her and he was with another woman.

Brad: 3:23

Wow. And are no

Christine: 3:27

And we are no longer friends because I called him out. I called him out on it and she's not allowed to hang out with

Brad: 3:35

And she's not allowed

Christine: 3:39

to him. I was like, not okay.

Brad: 3:41

him. Yeah.

Christine: 3:44

Yeah, I texted him and I said, you need to do better, bro. And yeah, she's, we are no longer

Brad: 3:50

you need to do bro. And, yeah.

Christine: 3:58

Only your husband,

Nannette: 3:59

know. And you want one like that?

Christine: 4:01

I mean, it, it keeps things entertaining. I kid,

Nannette: 4:04

I kid you not. He, he is hilarious every day and I never know what he's going to do. Like literally, seriously, a couple of months ago, I'm in taking a shower, you know, steam all over the place. I'm washing my hair and he comes in and turns the camera. So like he's in the camera and then I'm in the background and he takes a picture and I noticed it. So I cover my boobies and I'm like, Oh, like you're going to get, what are you doing? He just does like his goofy face and then he sends it to me and I'm like, he goes, that's the cutest face of you. And I'm just like. There are boundaries. There are certain times when you're, you're just not funny, but he always like he'll find my phone and I, I'll have like six

Christine: 4:50

selfies back to back You just posted

Nannette: 4:52

and he'll literally, but no, it's a thing I can show you. There's hundreds

Christine: 4:56

He's just going through snapping.

Nannette: 4:58

Yeah. There's some sexy ones. There's some funny ones. There's some, his eyes are bulging out. There's some where you only see this much of his face. Like, I mean, it's hilarious. He's like every single day he. He has something new and I think there's just a party in his head all the time.

Christine: 5:13

Yeah, I agree.

Brad: 5:14

There definitely is. Nobody wants to be inside this brain.

Christine: 5:18

I think we used to have contests at work. Who was the funniest you and I, I think we were like

Brad: 5:24

that was unofficial. I wasn't ever told that.

Christine: 5:28

No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think it was ever said, but I just feel like everybody was like, okay, the clowns are here.

Brad: 5:35

Well, we just had fun though. I mean, that, that was, if you've got to spend time at work, you may as well have fun.

Christine: 5:42

We did have fun there.

Nannette: 5:43

Yeah.

Christine: 5:44

We probably offended a lot of people.

Brad: 5:47

Do you know what though? I think we, we kept it pretty professional when other people were

Christine: 5:51

when certain people were, there were

Brad: 5:57

were some people that understood. Okay, so let me ask you this, Nan. Who do you think Christine's favorite Book of Mormon character is?

Nannette: 6:06

T. N. Cone.

Brad: 6:08

Tee and Come!

Christine: 6:09

Now who I don't!

Nannette: 6:13

don't! T. N. Cone. He's

Brad: 6:15

and Come.

Christine: 6:16

Cone. No, no,

Brad: 6:19

Waldron bought you

Christine: 6:20

bought you that. Yeah, I

Brad: 6:23

I don't think

Nannette: 6:24

he's gonna love hearing his name.

Brad: 6:25

Yeah. Chris

Christine: 6:26

Oh, of course.

Brad: 6:27

We love him.

Christine: 6:28

Yeah, Yeah. So I came into work and there's the figurine on my desk. And

Brad: 6:33

Did I buy it? Maybe I did. I don't remember. I just remember you had a, had the action figure.

Christine: 6:38

Yeah. It

Brad: 6:39

It wasn't a doll. It's an action

Christine: 6:40

an action. Okay. I don't even know what happened to that.

Brad: 6:43

Waldron probably has it. We'll have to, okay, um, Waldron, if you have T and Com, um, please reach out. Let us know.

Christine: 6:51

Yeah.

Brad: 6:52

Christine misses him.

Christine: 6:54

I was the butt of most jokes, but I, I loved it. I did love it because everyone, I would walk in in the morning all bubbly again, though what I learned that about myself at that time, I was funny. I made everyone else laugh, but I would go home and cry

Brad: 7:12

Oh.

Christine: 7:13

pretty much every day. It was like. I lived to make others happy and laugh and joke all the time, but I was hiding a lot. Hence the shit behind the show. You know, there, you put on this big show and this mask, like everything's great. Look at me. I'm living this great life. People post tons of pictures on social media. Like, Oh, look at me having fun. Look at me with my kids. And really behind all of that, they are dying inside.

Brad: 7:38

inside.

Christine: 7:40

And that was, yeah. And that was me. Yeah. And, I don't know if you know this part Nan, we could go on for hours here by the way. It's

Brad: 7:48

It's okay, I'm gonna make this

Christine: 7:50

show. I know. I was just going to say that. Uh, so I was going through the messiest divorce. My baby daddy turned my kids against me

Nannette: 8:01

Whoa.

Christine: 8:02

went months without seeing them. That hands down is the hardest thing I've been through in my life.

Nannette: 8:08

That is heartbreaking for a mom.

Christine: 8:10

it was so heartbreaking. And this guy, I, I came into work one day and I'll try to keep myself composed. Um, I didn't cry for a year.

Nannette: 8:22

yeah, hinder those.

Christine: 8:23

And thank you. And I walked into work one day and he happened for some reason was sitting by the door. I don't even know why, because that wasn't because our offices were upstairs and he was sitting down on the main level and I was running a little late and I walked in and he's like, Tanner, what's wrong? And I just started sobbing. And I said, Brad, I couldn't find the pills. Like, I had been that morning searching for a bottle of pills to end it, and I couldn't find him. And he's like, listen, you're going to therapy fucking now. And I sobbed and sobbed. And I said, this is the first time I've cried in a year. And he's like, let it out. Ugly cry. He always made fun of my ugly crying too. Um, so he called my boss got me excused. I got into therapy that day. I don't know what would have happened had he not intervened and it was like he just knew as soon as I walked in the door, he just looked at me and he's like, what the hell? You know what's wrong? And, and yeah, I, I've told him before you saved my life. He's like, I And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what I would have done. I may have just gone into work, gone about my day and found another way. I don't know. Um, a week later, a week after I'd gone through some therapy, I went home, opened my closet. The pills were right where I had been searching for them and could not find them. They were right there, just right in front. So I was like, I was not supposed to do that. I'm supposed to be here, but it was so heartbreaking in those moments. And so before court, You know, I would be going into court and I would go to him and just sob, like a big brother, right? It was, and he would just tell me, do your ugly cry thing. And, and I, I was so grateful. I am still for that friendship because it felt so lonely and so tough, so hard at that time to, to deal with that, you know, not seeing your children. That is one of the most traumatic

Brad: 10:28

experiences That would be horrible.

Christine: 10:30

Yeah,

Nannette: 10:30

Yeah, definitely. I can't even imagine

Christine: 10:33

for me and my boys from going from a stay at home mom being involved in everything to not seeing them and then he would turn their phones off, like completely shut them off. So I could not speak to them. I was threatened if I came to the house that they had a restraining or try to get a restraining order, but he would call the police and have me removed from the premises like he was just dirty with it. Now I have the most amazing relationship with my boys. They all see it. We're all sad about it because we missed out on so much, but I have the better relationship. You know, it turned out better.

Nannette: 11:10

the better mom now because you've done a lot of work on yourself so you can be more healthy with them. I'm so glad that you had Brad and you know, he, he's super gifted in so, so, so many ways. His intuition, it is on the money. It always has been, um, always, um, It. I can't even tell you how many times he'll be like, I just had a dream about so and so. I need to call them, or I just have this feeling about so and so I need to go have a conversation with them or like, he's always on alert for things that are going on and, um, I completely, I'm so glad that he was there for you and I'm so glad that you had him as your big brother and you deserve a Brad. You need, you deserve a brad for Christine.

Brad: 11:57

Well, the world is a better place with you in

Nannette: 11:59

Absolutely.

Christine: 12:01

you. Yeah, it was, it was a really, you know, it was a really hard time. And every time I get back up, he was kicking me back down the X, you know, and it was like, I've been going through a lot lately, but that hands down was the hardest time of my life. It was, it was terrible. So, so yeah, I'm very grateful that we had that friendship and I was so happy for him. Again, he was like, he would just walk in all googly eyed and I'm like, like, whatever. I'm just over here being a shit show.

Nannette: 12:32

I don't, I don't know. He married a shisho, so I just, I was just telling him last night here, I had a really hard Sorry. I was just telling him last night and you, you saw my post on, on Facebook. I can't believe I get to be married to you. I can't believe that you're here. And I just told him how grateful I was for him last night because a normal guy would have ran away a whole long time ago because. I'm not good certain times of the year and you can't see it come in like all of a sudden it's this festering sore that I just lose my shit and he is the one that has to pull me together or hold space for me and he is has always been willing to sit in my shit with me. And just hold that space and he always asked me what can I do and I don't know what he can do other than just let me know that I'm

Christine: 13:33

you

Nannette: 13:34

to be able to go through whatever I'm going through. So, um, remember how I was just talking to you about the, the traumas and how one trigger will make them all come down. I learned that from my awesome counselor, Justin, who we've had on the show. And um, I, I went to him. Yesterday. Yeah, yesterday. So a couple days ago, um, somebody, um, had posted actually I'll, I'll back up to last June. Some, some stranger had reached out on messenger who were not friends. Okay. And you know how when, when someone's not a friend on messenger, it's like back behind, you know, friend requests or whatever, and you hardly ever see them.

Christine: 14:11

Yeah.

Nannette: 14:12

Well, he had said, I'm writing a book about Corey and I'd really like you to be involved. He didn't ask if I wanted him to write the book, didn't know who he was. And he's like, it's a true crime and, and this is what I'm going to do. And I felt very violated. And it sent me kind of circling the drain back last June. And so I just never answered him because I was like, he's a nut job, like whatever, not going to address this. Well, a couple of days ago, he got it on. I'm not going to go into details because people can actually track this shit down. But, um, he had said he, he had been asking for stories about Corey to add to this book. And then he went through and thanked like all of these people that had helped him pull things together. And he had actually, grandma requested all of the police reports. All of the court records, had my husband's personnel file, um, all the way down to the places he worked and like everything, all of this personal information. And, He was asking for all this stuff, but these people that he listed, I felt betrayed because they never said anything to me, number one. So I felt betrayed by them because I thought that they should protect our family. Because here, I might have a dash cam video of my husband's murder. Out there somewhere that my Children might see and I still don't do not know that it's not out there. I have the sheriff's department looking into that with the county attorneys and all that to see if they actually did release that because that's been something that I have said. Absolutely no.

Christine: 15:50

Yeah.

Nannette: 15:51

During the murder trial, I had some of my kids that wanted to see the dash cam video and you can actually hear my husband take his last breaths and you can hear the shots so you can hear all of the things that happened. So, um, but there are some of my children and my grandchildren that did not want to see that. And it is. Um, I think that that should be a protected space and it should not be something that's ever public. And if anybody gets a hold of that, it should be our family when we're damn good and ready. And so I had all of these things, but I literally felt like I did the week that it happened. I felt panicky, like I'm on this merry go round going so fast that it can't stop. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't cope. I just wanted to run. And Brad's like, He's seen me do this before, but not for a really long time. I mean, I'm coming up on 11 years. So I was like, I don't understand why I'm reacting this way, why this is such a trigger, why I'm feeling so violated, why I'm feeling so betrayed. And. Why this is all happening. I need to understand this. I literally curled up on the couch in there and I did not move the whole day. He brought me in half of his annex and I don't like to take stuff. He's like, take this. And he's like, you need this. And I'm like, no. And he kind of fought with me a little bit. He's like, no, take this so that you can at least get calm enough to deal with this. I was like, okay. So I took it and I literally just sobbed. The whole day, like I couldn't cope and I'm sitting in my shit going like, why am I acting like this? I've done so much healing, done so much work and he, he kept coming in. What can I do? What can I do? And I'm like, I don't know. And then I looked at him and I said, I need you to make him stop. I need you to find out who he is. I need you, like I gave him a list and he went and did it. He went and. I read everything, told me who this person was and that he was a fruit cup and like all these different things and, and put my soul at ease by the evening time. But he was just like, just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Like literally if I told him that I wanted him to go fuck the guy up, I think he probably would have at this point, like he would do anything for me. And I, I know that, but I literally, I didn't. I didn't, here I am this healer and I help all these people and I've done my work. I have done my, my work, but that's why I went to Justin yesterday because I'm like, my counseling appointments aren't, you go in and you dump. It's Justin. I need tools. This is what happened. Tell me the tools. Why the fuck did I do this? Why is this? What's the mechanism so I can fix it? Because I overanalyze everything.

Christine: 18:29

the same thing with mine, so

Nannette: 18:31

Yeah. So you totally get it. Right? Well, the funny thing is, is Justin's trying to understand everything and I have not told him everything. He doesn't know everything. He knows my husband was killed. He knows the basics. He's been on our show. He's talked to us, but he does not know all of my trauma. And so he, he starts asking me questions and then. All of the traumas start coming out. Like right after my husband's killed, some of the officers actually did very inappropriate sexual things towards me. Here I am this victim and I have officers doing things towards me, but no one did anything about that. And then they kind of grouped together and spread rumors about me that I slept with the whole department and it's still coming back to me by new people that go to the department. Oh yeah, we've heard you slept with most of the department, which I wish my life were That

Christine: 19:20

was.

Brad: 19:21

That would be a good movie.

Nannette: 19:22

asked Brad a whole bunch for like three and a half years, but he was, he was it like whatever. But, um, I, I just felt so violated and betrayed. So I'm telling Justin all this stuff and he's like, I had no idea. Like, he's like, you have layer upon layer upon layer, like trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma. And then this insignificant fruit cup over here flicks the switch and all the trauma falls. On your shoulders and that's what you're dealing with. And it made sense. I was like, that's why I feel like I'm drowning because I am like literally rape energy and betrayal energy and abuse energy and like all of this stuff just went, boom, all at once and it's not from lack of me. doing my work. It's because I haven't severed the traumas from each other. They're still connected. So it's like, it's kind of like a, like your hormones, you know, if one goes down, they all go down type of thing.

Brad: 20:20

You know how you make a hormone, right?

Christine: 20:22

ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Brad: 20:24

pair.

Christine: 20:24

ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha

Nannette: 20:27

And he's a pro. Yeah. Just the tip, Brad. But he's had to hold space for me. That is very ugly. Um, very, very ugly. And, and additionally with where you were at, I'm Don't take this wrong, but I'm grateful that he had that experience because he had to do the same thing except for he physically picked me up and took me for help because I had a five way plan and I was going to do And, he, he's a protector, you know, and, um, He just doesn't, he will do anything to make sure someone feels safe. And I think that that's why I kept a hold of him because my safe was And he also doesn't borrow from my energy. He lets me just be me and he is him. And, and that's a beautiful thing. Cause we're both big energy and. I don't, I don't have to be anyone or fake like I'm anybody. But last night when I'm telling him, I'm like, I am so grateful that you haven't run. I'm so grateful that you've stuck with me. And thank you for taking care of us and being the safe place. And I'm just crying. And I'm just like, sorry, I'm a mess. I freaking hate that I am. And he goes, it comes with the territory. I'm like, he goes, I know what I married. I'm just like. What does that mean? I know I married a widow, but

Christine: 21:39

I love it.

Nannette: 21:40

he, I'm pretty sure he has wings,

Christine: 21:42

Yeah. Then I do. Then you can find that quote. Get on it!

Brad: 21:47

book.

Christine: 21:48

Teach a class! Right?

Nannette: 21:50

right?

Christine: 21:50

call a master

Brad: 21:53

a master class

Christine: 21:54

Yeah.

Brad: 21:55

Don't be a douche bag. I don't know. You wouldn't think

Christine: 21:58

You wouldn't think it'd be that hard, but You

Brad: 22:00

but. You

Christine: 22:03

I knew it. I knew it. I can't.

Nannette: 22:05

You guys lost me at master. Okay.

Brad: 22:08

shit.

Christine: 22:08

And welcome to my life.

Brad: 22:10

Yep. And that's where we're at.

Christine: 22:13

Anyway. we ready?

Brad: 22:15

thank you so much for being on the show and collaborating with us. This is awesome.

Christine: 22:20

Thank you to both of you. It's been fun. I wish we could do this every week.

Brad: 22:25

Right?

Nannette: 22:26

We should

Christine: 22:27

four

Nannette: 22:27

it. We should do it more often. Yeah, just like be a regular

Christine: 22:31

Yeah. because we learned that we can't do it over Zoom.

Nannette: 22:35

No,

Brad: 22:35

the spirits mess with it, so. Um,

Christine: 22:38

They're like, um, no, you guys need to be in the same room.

Brad: 22:40

Exactly. Have a cup of coffee together and just chill

Nannette: 22:44

to my her favorite thing. Mom, just chill your tits, It's

Brad: 22:52

Nan starts getting a little intense and Kylie will remind her, Nan, just chill your tits. It's okay. Another

Christine: 22:58

Another t shirt

Brad: 22:59

Yeah. Right. That's a good one. There's a lot of possibilities with that t shirt.

Nannette: 23:04

have two

Brad: 23:06

You have two little ice cubes right where the nips are.

Christine: 23:08

This guy.

Nannette: 23:10

That's because he has diamond cutters for tits. Seriously, his nipples always stick out. Like, tune in Tokyo.

Brad: 23:17

Do you know what? I don't think it's very kind to make fun of people's physical

Christine: 23:21

Yes, you do. Okay, thanks again.

Brad: 23:27

Yeah. Thank you. Hey, everyone out there, please make sure you tune in and listen to the ship behind the show podcast. It's a great show. You get to hear a lot more about Christine and her story, and it's a ton of fun. You can listen to it anywhere you get your podcast, right?

Christine: 23:42

And also please tune into Mormon to medium. You know, I listened to very few podcasts, but I love yours, but I, I dislike Brad's voice because it's, it's so perfect.

Brad: 23:53

so perfect. Oh

Nannette: 23:55

He has a broadcaster voice, right? Not fair.

Christine: 23:57

Perfect for podcasting. And I'm

Brad: 23:59

I'm jealous. Wow. This show has really boosted my ego

Christine: 24:04

I think so.

Brad: 24:05

I, I really appreciate the two of you. Thank you so much for making me feel very good.

Nannette: 24:11

You're welcome for stroking your

Brad: 24:13

your ego.

Christine: 24:14

And until next time.

Brad: 24:17

Yep. Thank you so much. We'll see you. Bye.

Nannette: 24:20

see